Why aren’t I hooking someone who reflects back my own potential?Am I sporting an invisible sign that says I lust after the irremediably damaged?I must be pretty special.”After I realized that being alone can make us feel defective in the myopic eyes of society, I wanted to drop kick her. Her Prince High Tech turned out to be a professional con man.The moral: Beware of succumbing to your own reflection.Unlike the shallow dating pool of high school, college is an ocean of options.You can stick with your high school bae, find a hookup buddy, plunge into a sexual-emotional gray area, or discover an on-campus soulmate.Weber calls this model a "shared identity" -- meaning each partner is their own person, but they're open and willing to share and compromise for the sake of the union.
But even when your romantic partner stays the same, change happens in and around you all the time.
The single women I know are lovely and clever and flexible (we’re all yogis).
The male dating pool can’t all be comprised of discounted, long expired cold cuts.
I said I want a relationship, is my profile so secretly needy that Mr. Or in my case, how come I only attract guys from Berkeley who like Bill Maher and NPR and think that makes them seem smart as opposed to cliched? The Alec Baldwin lookalike still wasn’t over his ex and thought I needed to bathe in his pain. The rich artist still wasn’t over his mother and had unresolved anger issues he thought I would’t notice were toxic. Or the environmentalist’s life was so disorganized there wasn’t even room for him in it. I no longer have true love, but I’ve found a relationship that’s often fun and, thanks to him, I’ve discovered Aimee Mann and Wilco and beaches and….’nuff said.
Or like so many men I’ve met, my prospect might be a nice fellow, but all the fruitless searching and resulting loneliness have left him with a patina of disillusionment; he has lots of crazy dating stories but a famished soul. I’ve dipped my foot into the polluted waters, but remain essentially alone.