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Thank you for your "A Rock and a Hard Place" article, the only real attempt to grapple with the issues of disclosure I have found on the net. For some years I have grappled with disclosure issues in relation to friends, lovers and potential dates. So if it's not absolutely essential to a relationship then why spill the beans and have some of those easy relations transformed into weirdness and suspicion? For me, the real hassles come with people who are closer to you. To some people "transsexuals" are she-males on porn sites.I have wondered about both ethics of disclosure and the practical consequences. Some days I feel so frustrated with the complexities that I feel like making an "I am a transsexual" t-shirt and wearing it everywhere to make life simpler. On a basic level, of course it is the right thing to disclose. When it comes to friends, non-disclosure usually places limits on a relationship. To others they are sexually predatory gender benders who hang around in the gay scene, tottering on their stilettos and sporting mini skirts while they look for trade.Sure, if you wait before disclosing then some people might be angry that you for withholding that information.I have no fear of violence because I would never bother with anyone with any violent inclinations. It's not something I can easily do time and time again. Still, I was lucky and found probably one of the few men on the site who wasn't a creep and chose me for common interests rather than my "transness" (he hated it if I mentioned anything to do with it) and we went out for a couple of years.Regardless of my past, those nice times happened and no disclosures since can take those times away from either of us.

I changed over to reduce the drama in my life and try to become a productive human being without a host of distractions about who and what I was etc etc and disclosing tends to defeat that aim.I imagine my angle would be along the lines of "I really value your friendship and I feel like you should know something about me that I rarely tell people" (or something like that).I would only do this if I thought there was a VERY good chance of improving the friendship.Many of the above issues probably hold true with relationships, except the stakes are higher.I used to have a rule that I wouldn't say anything unless things start getting physical, and then I'd tell all.