Hi Nice Guy and Fuckboy, I've been seeing a guy on and off for about six months. Our first date went really well — way better than I expected.
He always plans our dates around things I have said I like doing or my favorite foods and drinks.
Since you're the one writing us and it's 2016 (meaning and any and all gender norms at this point are bologna), I'm going to elect you do the deed. It's going to be a terribly awkward conversation, but it's a necessary one. If this guy knows anything about keeping women interested, he's avoiding you as a way to make you miss him even more when he comes back. But I'd like to point out that little is said about the similarly impossible standard women set for men, and for their relationships with us. Just like we idealize certain things about you, you tend to fantasize things about us: About what is expected of us, and the narrow parameters our relationships with you must fit between.
So Kate, here's how you do it: Have a drink (but just one — let's not breach the topic wasted, just loosened up) alone together. This guy's a good guy, so he's going to try his best to make the conversation as amicable and engaging as possible. He doesn't want to show you too much commitment too soon. If you hang out, let's say, three times per week now, what will that number look like if you two become Facebook official? For example, it's been six months, so you must be exclusive by now.
After some back and forth, say, “Listen, I have something to tell you, but I want to take a shot first. ”The alcohol combined with the clinking of glasses and the mystique of it all will make the conversation a little less awkward, I assure you. Tell him that you like him and you really see this going somewhere. By having this conversation in person instead of over text, you'll get a more honest response from him. I have a feeling he's going to say what you want to hear, but if not, at least you know the charade is over. ”I should add here that you should drive to the location separately (assuming you won't be getting drunk), just in case the conversation doesn't go well and you don't have to ride home together in silence. Also, it wouldn't hurt to send some flirty texts or snaps earlier in the day to let him know you're excited to hang out that evening. It's time to open that book, Kate, and start a new chapter with this great guy. He doesn't want to show his hand and drive you away. What I can't understand is why we're all so obsessed with the possibility of shooting ourselves in the foot. Still, you're going to push the envelope and approach him with this. When you're at the point of asking if you should, you're really just looking for someone to agree with you so you can. You have to ask yourself if the net gain of being in a "real relationship" outweighs the chance that your plan backfires and he runs for the hills. Will your relationship really be that much different than it is now, if you have this talk and he agrees? If you introduce him to your friends already now and you double date, what exactly will be different if you have this talk with him? You've met his friends, so that must mean whatever it meant to your girlfriend and her boyfriend, or your cousin and her husband, or whatever.
Just from the way you framed your question, the way you spent so much time rationalizing whether or not you should tell him how you feel, makes me believe you know the potential consequences of the action you're considering. But it would be the height of silliness to do so in this case. If you're not having enough sex now, what really will be different if you guys get more serious? When you girls gleam these benchmarks from other people's relationships and project them onto ours...
So many things point to YES, but there are a few niggling things that make me feel like he's playing me. But here's why: The process of deleting dating profiles on certain sites is so unnecessarily complicated. I've Googled how to do it, but got bored halfway through because it's so infuriating.
Recently, I got back from Thailand, and we have been out for a few dinners and sleep overs.If I had a buddy who did the same thing for a girl, I'd be fairly certain he had feelings for her. Hell, I know people who've been dating for years and don't treat each other as good as this guy treats you. My fiancée and I met on Tinder and when we became official, we made an event out of the profile deletion process. But then again, you haven't made it official/exclusive yet, so he really has no reason to delete it, does he?We took each other's phones and, over some coffee and dessert at the local coffee shop that we had our first date, ceremoniously deleted the other's account. Based on what I've heard, you've reached the point of no return in this promising, could-be relationship: You two have to make it official. Either that, or you can keep this thing going as is, but the likelihood of the exclusive status will grow less and less likely.If you aren't pushing for exclusivity, maybe he feels like you aren't really interested in it. And this guy sounds real nice, so I think it's likely that he may feel this way as well. Even moreso if you go on a double/triple date with them, which you've done. We see it in how dolled up you get for us and how interested you pretend to be in our opinion. It's better to let these things happen organically.From the sounds of it, you both really like each other, but neither has the balls to initiate the conversation about exclusivity. In fact, the reason he disappears sometimes is probably because he likes you. A lot is written on this website about the impossible standard men set for women, for what they should look like and how they should behave.