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“These guys, and it is mostly guys, are on the whole loving husbands, yet they did this right under your nose, leaving you unable to trust your partner, or even your own judgements,” she explains.No wonder many partners suffer trauma, which can lead to depression, anxiety and panic attacks, rage or utter dissociation.“The reality of the Western world today means you can find anything you desire easily and anonymously.Indeed, you can find a whole load of stuff you don’t desire, but get hooked nonetheless,” she says.Some relationship therapists work with the partner’s pain by treating it as an infidelity, for example, but it’s so much more than that – and sometimes it isn’t even that at all, with some people not actually having sex elsewhere, but using porn instead.” No wonder Hall’s therapeutic practice, which recognises the uniqueness of the partner’s pain, has gone from strength to strength.Also providing a haven of hope is the small, but growing, number of support groups.Eight years into her marriage, Rachel started to wonder if her husband had lost interest in sex.

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Like most partners, she initially didn’t buy into the concept of sex addiction (“it sounded like a pretty weak excuse for an affair”) and even when she did start to believe that her husband’s behaviour was compulsive, her friends didn’t (“they’d look at me in despair, asking since when had sexual desire became a monster that can’t be controlled”), leaving her feeling isolated.Rosendale starts each 12-week support group by educating the women about sex addiction.“One of the points of this group is to depersonalise it.Couples who make it work generally take a three-pronged approach, says Hall.“First, the addict goes into recovery on their own to work out causes and develop relapse prevention strategies.